Why Kids With Trauma Try to Control Everything

For children who have experienced trauma, instability, foster care, disrupted attachment, or unpredictable caregivers, controlling their environment can become a way to create safety and predictability. What looks like bossiness, rigidity, defiance, or inflexibility may actually be rooted in a much deeper need for agency and control.

In this episode, Rebecca Britt, founder of Stable Moments®, explains why children with developmental trauma may seek control, what controlling behavior can look like during mentorship, and how trauma-informed adults can respond without getting into a power struggle.

We’ll also walk through practical strategies used in the Stable Moments model, including:

• Creating predictable three-part session plans
• Giving children meaningful choices and agency
• Using “You Lead, I Lead” with children who want to control the session
• Helping children identify what is and isn’t within their control
• Using our “In My Hands” activity to build emotional awareness, responsibility, and independence

The goal isn’t to take control away from a child. It’s to help them experience that they can have a voice, make choices, and feel safe—even when they aren’t in control of everything.

Learn more about the Stable Moments mentorship model and watch our free webinar: https://stablemoments.com/webinar

Stable Moments® is a trauma-informed mentorship program focused on helping children develop six core life skills: self-worth, responsibility, self-regulation, emotional awareness, healthy relationships, and independence.