Navigating Sticky Situations with Kids Using Trauma-Informed Responses

When you’re working with kids who have experienced trauma, you can count on one thing, unexpected moments. Whether you're a mentor, teacher, volunteer, or caregiver, you’ve probably been in situations where you thought: “I don’t know what to say right now.”

Maybe a child bounced off the walls with so much energy you lost control of the activity.
Maybe they told you something traumatic that made your heart sink.
Or maybe they said something offensive, lied to your face, or asked if they could live with you.😧

These are what we call “sticky situations.” And they’re not only common, they’re opportunities. Opportunities to show up regulated, compassionate, and boundaried. Opportunities to model safety and connection, especially for kids who have never had that before.

What Trauma-Informed Really Means

Being trauma-informed isn’t about saying all the right things. It’s about:

• Staying calm even when behavior is chaotic

• Validating the child’s feelings without losing structure

• Holding clear, loving boundaries that show you’re safe and consistent

You don’t have to be a therapist to do this well. You just need a few go-to tools and the willingness to practice.

Here’s What It Can Look Like:

• When a child is hyperactive and unregulated:

  “Wow, I’m actually having a hard time right now. Can we pause and take a breath together?”

  Or switch gears to something physical like a lap around the building or a grounding game like “Get Big and Get Small,” where you allow the child to "Get Big" by being loud and make big movements, then "Get Small" by being quiet and making tiny movements.

• When a child shares something traumatic:

  “That shouldn’t have happened to you. I’m so sorry. Thank you for telling me.”
  Then continue the activity or offer a transition. Don’t dig for more. You’re there to witness, not fix.

• When a child uses inappropriate language:

  “Hmm, how else could we say that?”
  If they resist, explain that this space is about respectful communication, and maybe come up with your own “house words” together.

• When they lie or steal:

  “It’s okay to make mistakes. I just need us to be honest so we can trust each other.”
  Or, “It seems something went missing. If it comes back next time, no one’s in trouble.” Use natural consequences, not shame.

• When they push physical boundaries:

  “I love spending time with you, and I need a little more space. Let’s come up with a special handshake that feels good for both of us.”

• When they ask personal questions:

  “That’s an interesting question. What made you ask that?”
  Or if they say, “Can I live with you?” respond with:
  “It makes sense that you want a safe and permanent place. I’ll be here for you every week, and you have a team working on that for you.”

Want to Feel More Prepared?

You don’t have to memorize every response. We created a free Trauma-Informed Responses Cheat Sheet so you can stay grounded and ready, even in those “uh-oh” moments.

📥 Download the Cheat Sheet Now
Get simple, effective responses for real-world situations that come up when working with kids impacted by trauma. Whether you're a mentor or just someone who cares, this resource helps you show up with empathy and structure.

👉 Trauma-Informed Responses Cheat Sheet

💪 You’ve Got This. 

Even if the words don’t come out perfectly—what matters most is your presence, your consistency, and your willingness to keep trying.